One of my cats is very sick, getting close, it’s a boy cat, named Ta Yue (which means Moon rider). He is not my favorite, his sister, Zhui Feng (means Wind Chaser) is more personable, with a cute personality. So I am shocked that I’m so sad. I thought I’m immune to loss of loved ones by now, but still my heart aches by watching him laying down, feeling the hollowness as I am thinking of his vacancy. I thought I was running out of sorrow, obviously Ta Yue has a spot in my heart I didn’t even know about, with his panther-like face, loyal personality, and his cool manner of the moon rider. How can such a tiny body carry so much weight in my heart?
Ten years ago, we adopted these two kittens, it’s my first time to have cats. They brought so much lighthearted joy into the house, like their light bodies. Once they sneaked out of their room when they were little, as they were so tiny they can go under anything, all we saw was two little shadows passing by the corner of our eyes. Zhui Feng was fast, Ta Yue was slow and caught my eye. That’s how they were caught and sent back.
Ta Yue is rebellious, he likes to challenge authority to the forbidden zones, like kitchen counter top, checking our little house plants, etc. I would spank him whenever I catch him, he doesn’t back down, instead hissing at me even with his paw up. His sister is the opposite, always goes docile while being caught in criminal acts, looking so pitiful to soften my heart and anger, getting a lesser punishment. Sometimes I was wondering why doesn’t he learn from his sister, to avoid being spanked all the time? But at the same time, he is also the loyal one, he would sit patiently outside a closed door, waiting for his favorite person, for hours.
Since he’s sick, I spent time with him frequently these last couple of days, seemingly more than in all the years. Yesterday he curled up turned his head, gave a me a long look, with squinted, soulful eyes. That look melted my heart, worth more than a thousand words.
It’s been 10 years, they became part of our world, and we are their entire world.
Pain reminds us how much love we hold, you don’t know how deep the hole until it’s empty. The ups and downs shape our landscape of life.
